The REAL TRUTH
about "Chocolate 4 soul"!

Let's start from the beginning...

I was sitting on a terrace in one of the luxurious houses in the Los Angeles millionaires’ quarters.

The house was up in the mountains, so as I looked down, I could see the glitter of the city I came to seven years ago. I was smoking cigarette after cigarette, drinking wines and throwing the ends into the pool that once fascinated me.

I could remember when I came to Hollywood with a couple of hundred dollars in my pocket; I rented a room in the worst area where drug dealers and hookers would wander ...

I got a job at the bar; I worked really hard, and I could barely make ends meet ... This was my beginning, which lasted for more than a year.

However, things later changed, and I got into this ‘postcard’ of a rich life.

Home in Los Angeles

But now I was angry with him.

I really wanted to get into this ‘postcard’ of a rich life so badly; I believed I would be happy and free but ...

The truth turned out to be different.

When I arrived at this ‘postcard,’ I saw that it's empty, stinking of cigarettes, soaked in my tears of disappointment, causing stress and insecurity, etc.

I thought I would be sitting by the pool with a sun hat and feeling fabulous while other women envied me.

But soon I really got tired of pretending.

I was no longer interested in shopping with my friends at the famous ‘Rodeo Drive’; I did not want to ride the red Ferraris and listen to my fake friends' stories about their new homes, helipads, affairs with their personal trainers, or recent breast surgery.

Party in Hawaii

I thought I would explode if I had to survive another yacht party or listen to another Celine Dion concert in Hawaii.

Most people around me had similar lives, but we never talked about how we felt.

Sometimes, after drinking too much or being high, women complained about the perverse sex lives of their husbands, but it was boring to me since all the stories were the same—tired and unsatisfied wives, mistresses, pornographic events and celebrities, and finally, the sadistic game parties and secret desire of transvestites as well as the search for other intense feelings.

With Matthew Perry from ‘Friends’

With Angelina Jolie in Los Angeles

I was tired of men, and they were not fascinating me anymore.

Half of my life I spent relying on the environment and men to feel happy, loved, and feminine. If I didn't get any compliments and reassurance from the environment that I'm needed and important, I wouldn't have eventually understood who I am.

So my inner state depended a lot on the external factors, but it never depended on me ...

Even if everyone around me told me I was beautiful, interesting, or feminine, I would criticize myself. When I looked into the mirror, I would always find something to pick on and ruin my mood.

I decided to become an expert in this field and even studied the art of seduction at the famous ‘S Factor’ school founded by Sheila Kelly.

I finally realized what really attracts men (and it's not sex by any means), what they need, and what kind of woman they want to be with ... And it doesn't really matter whether this man is a casino owner in the Bahamas or a famous actor.

I perfectly knew men, but I began to grow tired of their attention, and it was even getting me annoyed.

I knew exactly what they were going to say. The conversations were similar—silly jokes by the pool (which I was tired to laugh at), and then the endless efforts to make an impression would follow (i.e., cigars, cars, achievements, and other cool things).

The only true friend that I had was quite a famous actor who lived nearby.

When one of us would fail at something, we would meet up at his home, smoke weed in his home cinema, and he would tell me about his sad childhood.

He started acting at the age of ten and earned his first million when he was fourteen.

There was a beautiful red Ferrari in his garage which we rode only a few times because my friend, who had dreamed of getting into this ‘Ferrari postcard,’ got quickly disappointed and began loading some weird bags on this great car.

The dream Ferrari

My other friend was Claudia. She was once a man but had changed her gender, and we were getting along greatly. Claudia was a prostitute. She was looking for clients at the bar where I worked as a bartender. I liked Claudia because I'd never met this kind of woman before. She was great at stripping and taught me a few interesting things about men.

I could go on and on ...

But at the time I was sitting by the pool, I had no idea where to go next. Deep down inside, I knew I couldn’t take it any longer.

... Suddenly, I heard footsteps and saw a friendly, considerably older but wealthy man next to me—whom I married five years ago for a specific reason. He was a great person but couldn’t find himself.

My husband always refused to see the unpleasant things, so we never talked about feelings.

After my wine sessions by the pool, he would patiently fish out the cigarette ends from the pool (I guess he didn't want the help to see them), and he would never complain about it. Neither about the cigarettes nor the money I've spent, my dates with other men, or for leaving him to grow old alone (which, unfortunately, I later did).

This man was and is still unique.

I would cry while talking to my friend on the phone, and he would politely knock on the door and let me know that in two hours’ time, we're going to see an NBA game, but we're going to say hi to Kobe Bryant first, and he would ask if I'd be ready in time.

And I was.

One of the Los Angeles parties

I hated basketball because I needed to drive through the entire Los Angeles as well as talk to a lot of people. The only pleasure was, I could stare at Jack Nicholson and David Beckham who were sitting in the first row ...

At the time, I was having an affair with a man who was the most prominent playboy, so the schedule of a millionaire’s wife was exhausting.  It was much more interesting for me to wrap a man all the women desired around my finger.

However, when I ran out of patience, I took a long vacation and went to Africa to be a volunteer as well as look for the meaning of life.

I lived in Africa for almost half a year, and I met women from the primitive nations

I really liked Africa. Primitive living conditions, people of an entirely different culture, etc. But eventually, the priest I was staying with fell in love with me, and there was this tension between us.

I had quite a lot of men in my life; I attracted them with my disobedient nature; they felt stronger with me, but soon they wanted to put me in a golden cage and lock me away.

However, both the casino owner from the Bahamas and the ship captain, as well as the playboy or Hollywood celebrities and millionaires, failed to control me and put me in a golden cage...

Sometimes I would drop everything and return to Lithuania for a short stay. I stayed in my small cozy apartment which I had bought in my twenties—having worked hard and saved money.

There were times I was so hurt by men that I completely lost self-confidence—and I made some drastic decisions.

After returning from Africa, I then decided that I would be interested in women only. I could see right through men, and they caused me distrust and anxiety. I was starting to hate them at the time.

A couple of years went by while I was searching for my sexuality ...

Of course this didn't bring me the sense of harmony and happiness ... NOTHING DID!

I could hear the sound of the ocean from my balcony; I could feel the warm and sticky Hawaiian weather and could also hear the waiters cleaning up after a party somewhere in the distance.

A brand new ‘Chanel’ bag (which I almost forgot in the limousine) was just lying there on my bed ...

I was all by myself in the room, so I kicked off my ‘Louboutin’ shoes, and I really wanted to light a cigarette, but then I stopped for a moment. I was in a non-smoking complex where a room cost 1000 dollars per night, and there's a fine of 500 dollars for smoking.

I thought for a few minutes and then took out a cigarette and lit it up. I didn't care about the fine at all.

I'd been feeling this way for the last five years or maybe my entire life. I was just afraid to tell the world how unhappy I was.

However, I soon became too tired of pretending to be a happy woman ...

On the shore of the ocean ...

I could remember when I was walking down the dusty streets of Hollywood with two bags and believing in my heart that the city of Angels won’t disappoint me.

It was a place where dreams came true; people were driving Ferraris, wealthy and well-dressed women were walking in the streets, etc. There were many times when I was walking down the Hollywood Boulevard with my head down and my heart beating, feeling like there's a new, wonderful beginning just around the corner ...

In fact, Los Angeles was the last straw. The last illusion I believed in.

Until then, I was disappointed with my dreams TOO MANY TIMES ...

I was tired of other similar trips

I could remember how excited I was when I went to Vienna (in Europe) to start my modeling career.

Up until this moment, I still remember the owner of the big agency (he was always too close to me) who would smell of strange but very expensive perfume ... He had a great car; I can't remember if it was a Porsche or a BMW ...

I recall that it was my first ride in a convertible. I was waiting for that magical feeling, faking my laugh and wearing my hair down (so the wind would run through them)—all this to be closer to my vision ...

But I still didn't feel anything fantastic.  That man was annoying; I wanted to get out the car and hide.

I had a lot of dreams in my mind (which I had made up from postcards and ads) that were supposed to make me happy ...

Savo galvoje buvau prisikūrusi daugybę įvairiausių svajonių iš atviručių ir reklamų, kurios turėjo mane padaryti laimingą...

I later learned to create such ads for magazines myself.

Los Angeles. Modelling is really hard

We were paid a lot to run along the beach hand-in-hand with strange men and children ... Or look into each other's eyes on the luxurious terraces ...

Most of all, I enjoyed board games’ ads. We just had to laugh and throw the dice—a happy, young family having a great time.

But actually, we would smoke outside for hours until the photographers adjust the lights and ask us into the studio for the photo shoot.

It was much better than to stand in the cold by the ocean while shooting an ad. I was trying to stay on a surfboard, hide my hands—as they were turning blue because of the cold—and smile.

I still do not understand how all of this could have happened to me. I began my modeling career in Lithuania at the age of fourteen, and since then, I haven’t done anything else—just tried to convey the images that do not really exist in life.

I have tried everything in life which I thought was supposed to make me happy—money, luxury, men's attention, modeling career, success ... But all the illusions—that I only needed these things to be completely happy—went away...

EXCEPT FOR ONE THING ...

I later decided that I wanted a family—this should have been my answer!

It was a new, untested ‘postcard’ I was dreaming about while looking at toothpaste commercials—which I was shooting myself.

For some reason, I was almost guaranteed that it was the answer to all my questions.

So I returned to Lithuania, started dating my childhood sweetheart, and after two years, I informed my ex-husband and friends that I had a daughter. During this time, I was studying at a university in Lithuania because I was ready to become a regular woman, to forget about Los Angeles, and to live in the country where I was born.

As beautiful as maternity can be, it still does not fulfill a woman ...

However, it turns out that it did not make me any happier.

As beautiful as maternity can be, it still does not fulfil a woman ...

I felt empty inside, immature, insecure. Nothing had changed, only external ‘decorations.’ I felt this great dissatisfaction deep down in my heart for a couple of years.

I don't really know what happened, but after a year and a half, I found myself sitting on a terrace of the luxurious house again, but I was not drinking wine and smoking cigarettes this time. The difference is, now I was just a guest ...

I went back to make sure I didn't leave anything (which I would later be missing) behind. I calmed myself down and went back to Lithuania to raise my daughter.

It was so strange that I had fooled myself—and for so many times ...

Then I realized that I wouldn’t find happiness anywhere in the world. (Actually, I started working on a cruise ship when I was eighteen—and I worked there for three years—so I have traveled almost all around the whole world.)

I was running away from myself.

I was very dependent on the opinions of others; I was not able to create a beautiful relationship, and traveling to the most beautiful places in the world only made me feel happy for a short period.

No matter where I was in the world, I still did not find a place where I felt calm inside.

It turns out you can't really run away from yourself ...

There was only one thing left to do: turn to MYSELF and take responsibility for my life. Until then, every other person was to blame for my failures but not me.

It's so strange that I never took the time to think that my desired ‘postcards,’ in fact, do not exist.

Tired of the ‘superficial’ life and failed searches for happiness, I got interested in the deeper things that eventually led me to the path of femininity and other things that we'll discuss here ... 

Then I discovered books and teachings that made me look at my inner self.

I started attending various seminars and workshops. I began studying the secrets of Tantra. I also participated in a number of lectures and various therapies so I could finally accept myself for who I am!

When I started working on myself, my inner state and life itself began to bloom ... Only then did my life begin to improve. It was not easy, but the trip to the light was and remains very colorful and interesting.

However, after every seminar, I felt like I was missing some specific tools to maintain this positive state every day as well as help me move forward.

Discovering the feminine practice ...

One day, when I was feeling disappointed with my life, my friend suggested doing a feminine exercise called ‘I'm the Queen.’

After 10 minutes of this practice, I immediately felt better. I then realized that there are some feminine practices that can help me feel better in just a few minutes!

I needed more of them, so I started asking where to find them.

This is how I discovered the world of feminine practice ...

I do these feminine practices EVERY DAY ... Some of them came from the wife of a Russian millionaire; others came from seminars that took place in Los Angeles, England, and the Netherlands. I also translated and started using various affirmations (repeating phrases), which changed the way I once saw myself.

And so THE CHOCOLATE 4 SOUL was born ...

These practices are my soul’s fitness; they keep my body beautiful and viable. I feed it with fresh food, and in order to take care of my inner world, I do these short daily practices—which I sometimes call my ‘Soul’s Chocolate.’

I've been doing these practices for several years—from my (personal) notes, from books, and I've been writing down affirmations on paper. Sometimes I shared them with my friends from whom I received stories about the results as well as positive feedback.

All the women wanted to open their practice ‘menu’ on a daily basis and choose the state they would like to get into.

These feminine practices have given me everything that neither money nor successful modeling career could ever have given me—greater love for my body, a higher self-esteem, femininity, sexuality, and greater internal balance.

My friends soon started asking how I had managed to change so quickly. It would be a great sin to keep these practices from them ...

However, the short and single practice that I would tell them about on the phone or while riding together in a car was not enough for them, and so the first notes that we began sharing were born.

The results were stunning! Even my mother has noticed that she feels differently, and her wonderful inner state is gradually improving the real life as well.

So the more women told me how happy they are doing this set of short practices, the more I wanted to share this gift with even more women.

This is how the ‘CHOCOLATE 4 SOUL’ project was born together with the feminine practice and other wonderful products.

For example...

It has soon become the most popular project in Lithuania. Interviews for magazines, national TV shows, a lot of women commenting on social networks, etc.

Many women living abroad have asked for the information in English so they could share this with their English-speaking friends.

This is how www.chocolate4soul.com was born, where everything is being translated into English.

The feminine practices in English is still under development, but you can read the already available articles on femininity, sexuality, or male seduction.

I also share my experiences and discoveries about intimate feminine issues and orgasm.

Ruta.

P.S. You can connect with me on instragram

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