What should you do if you lost the desire for sex? (And you don’t even want to look at your partner)

by Ruta B.

FROM: Ruta Banioni (39), Co-founder of Chocolate4soul.com. Thursay 8:42 AM

Everything you think you know about sex is a lie! The media, the porn industry, and all the other ‘reliable’ sources have been lying to you; neither could our mothers nor grandmothers teach us much about it since they considered it a taboo.

They were just giving birth to children and taking a tremendous responsibility for their families.

Therefore, we have to admit that we do not have any sexual education.

Probably none of us ever had the opportunity to attend a Kamasutra or a Geisha school where we could have learned the secrets to the intimate life …

If we take a trip down memory lane to what our parents used to say when they caught us experimenting with our intimate area while looking for some ‘innocent pleasure,’ it would become apparent why this topic remains a taboo for most of us today

Let us also remember the Catholicism and the church ladies who keep saying, “You cannot do that … you will be punished … punished …”

Well, I don’t think you need any more arguments. Now you know why your sex life is the way it is—rare, painful, unsatisfying, exhausting, etc.

The good news is that we can now talk about these things.

We have come across some valuable information from the ancient times, and we can also rely on the Eastern wisdom—where sex life is considered to be much fuller, more sensual, and diverse …

  • Your relationship with your husband is mediocre; you almost never have sex, except those times when you're kind of forcing yourself to do it for the sake of peace and quiet ...
  • You have never experienced an orgasm while having sex, and you're annoyed by all those love scenes in books and ‘The Big O,’ and the movie Fifty Shades of Grey makes you a little jealous ...
  • Deep inside, you feel like something is wrong with you ...

If your sex life is unsatisfactory, and you think it will change while doing nothing about it, then you should know that it’s just an illusion that you should not be holding on to.

Let’s make it more fun and talk about men a little, and let’s make them responsible for the poor quality of sex …

ABOUT MEN (top secret)

Let’s realize that we live in a cold climate, and our men know almost nothing about women as well as the sensual and slow sex.

Most of the men consider sex as a means of tension release, and just a few can give a woman an erotic massage with tantric elements … : )

Most of them do not watch YouTube videos that teach how to turn a woman on. But for some reason, they feel quite good about themselves. : ) Some of them consider themselves to be sexual miracles. : )

They are proud of those ‘15 minutes.’ (We can make fun of it, but deep down, we all know that most of the time, we just pretend to be satisfied.) During those 15 minutes, we keep moaning and hoping it would help end this ‘intoxicating process’ sooner so we can finally go to sleep …

It does get a little better during the holidays since both partners are in a different environment, and they’re more relaxed, but sooner or later, everything returns to the usual.

We can continue blaming men, but then, this article would end very soon. 🙂 This would give very little use, so let’s not get into men and the mistakes they’re making. 🙂 🙂

Let’s keep in mind that men should really start caring about what they should do in bed with a woman, and let’s agree that most of them are inexperienced …

Yes, they do not have the patience; they are always rushing, and they do not give us the attention we want …

But, in fact, we are as much uneducated about this. Therefore, we’d like to invite you to this journey to a better sex life which starts WITH YOU …

Just think about it: we’re always in a hurry; we eat fast, make love fast, dress up quickly, and we’re constantly rushing to places. Not only are we very sensual and open to sex, but we’re also in a constant rush.

We simply do not spend enough time for sex for it to become something wonderful. (The quick orgasm of a man is not wonderful.)

Have you ever stopped for a moment to think that a man and a woman are like musical instruments that should, first of all, sound good on their own, and only then should they try to do a duet?

Anyway, we’ll talk about this a little bit later.

If you’re not going to finish reading this article, here is what you’re going to lose:

  • You will have to continue pretending that you enjoy being in bed with him, even though you're doing it out of obligation.
  • You are going to end up never having felt a real satisfaction with a man. Maybe you'll find another man and experience nothing with him, and then it will too late to realize that the real reason is you and that you could have dealt with it. (Sometimes women are satisfied by other men, but this is just a short-term solution.)
  • You will keep thinking that something is wrong with you if you cannot enjoy sex—but you will never know that you should have paid attention to your intimate area, rather than blame your husband and your health for it, and everything would have changed.

It can be painful and unpleasant for most of us to read this article. Just be patient and don’t rush into expressing your opinion.

The opinion of our parents and grandparents on the intimate life of a man and a woman has a significant impact on us. It is therefore tough to change your attitude toward it.

However, most of the women understand that they’re in need of a sexual revolution, and it should begin in our heads. As soon as we start thinking differently, our body will act accordingly, and the situation will change.


Please continue reading only if you want to change your attitude to sex and watch your husband and your intimate life change.

If you’re still in that phase when you’re pointing fingers at others, then we wish you good luck with that. You can stop reading now and come back later when you’re ready.

Most of the time, the women who are not willing to change think that it is the MEN who have to change. They express their anger on social networks where only women who think alike pay attention to that.

Try reading the following information.

Try to accept a different opinion and ask yourself: What if this is true?

You can always crawl back into your shell and continue doing what you had been doing for years …

We have all ‘learned’ about sex from television and books. We have been given various ideas how it’s supposed to be, and we’re trying to replicate them. But, in fact, we know almost nothing about sex.


Did you know that when the passion disappears (all the hot things tend to cool down eventually), the life of a couple might become wonderful, slow, and conscious? A deep connection between the two is then born as well as love and mutual trust.

Quick sex is tiring and boring!

It’s good enough for a couple of years, and then the search for the new senses begins. Or, in another case, the couple becomes estranged. It’s natural. You get tired of everything; it all becomes too familiar and boring. Therefore, most of the couples that have been living together for a while rather watch TV than spend time together. This is because they have no idea how it could be different.

After having spent a few years living together, many of us become disappointed with the active sex life and start to experience various feminine illnesses.

Mostly, this is because a woman’s body starts sending her signals that it cannot tolerate/span> this behavior (when she’s forcing her body) any longer.

If you want to learn more about it, you can download our detailed ebook “THE NAKED TRUTH About Female Sexuality, Intimate Health, and Orgasm!” (free of charge).

This is a very useful book if you’re experiencing endometriosis, uterine fibroids, ovarian cysts, menstrual disorders, problems getting pregnant, etc.

You can find out more about this book here!

We do not know anything about a different sex life. We don’t know what could be done differently, so we reduce our sexual activity and continue living as friends.

You will soon learn that your sex life can become much more satisfying and reward yourself and your husband with a special intimacy.

My story and myths about sex life

I’ve always been enjoying the world and its 500 shades; therefore, I really wanted to learn how women feel and act in one way or another.

Almost 20 years ago, when I was waitressing on a cruise ship, the perception of life that women from different countries had piqued my curiosity.

During my off days, I would spend my free time in Thai nightclubs talking to young women about how they got into the sex industry and how they felt about it. I was just curious.

While I was searching for my own happiness, I was working as a model and living in America as an illegal immigrant. I used to clean tables and serve drinks in various swinger clubs and other weird bars.

I’m quite familiar with the ladies of the oldest profession and the celebrities of elite parties

I actually had the most diverse friends, and I loved them all; no matter what they did, I would always support them.

While living in Los Angeles, I was in contact with women of various social status, including cover girls, porn stars, erotic movie actresses—the ones that men secretly fantasize about.

I used to work as a waitress in night clubs where I was friends with women who were selling their bodies for money, buying breast implants, stripping, creating illusions for men and making sweet promises to them (that meant nothing) …

I’d just like to add that I really love, respect, and understand the women of all professions.

When I got to know them a little better, I realized that they’re just the same as all the other women: they’re seeking for love, recognition, and a comfortable life. They just chose a different way to achieve it.

One day, I will write an article about the real Hollywood and what is actually happening in its backstage.

But for now, I’d like to emphasize that all those things that we see on the big screen—the hot sex, and the women that always desire it—DO NOT EXIST.

By the way, if you’re interested in reading about the other side of the Hollywood, leave a comment for me to know this. : ) Your comment will motivate me to write about it more.

You can sometimes meet women who are enjoying their sex life, but usually, they do not strike you as such.

Most of the porn stars have never experienced an orgasm; they have never made love, and they keep hoping that they will find the one who is going to understand them and save them.

I used to hold the cigarettes for these ‘actresses’ while they shot an erotic scene, and they would come during their breaks to smoke

I recently realized that if the movie Fifty Shades of Grey were at least a little close to the truth, the ending would be absolutely different …

Yes, the main characters played some simple erotic games (the Hollywood people do this on a much larger scale).

Some of these games might turn you on, but it’s just temporary.

Yes, we all want to be desired, but what the movie Fifty Shades of Grey suggests is a big lie

By the way, I could not finish the book …

For many years, I could not understand the meaning of the phrase ‘a sexy woman.’ I thought I was a sexy woman—I can pretend to be having fun; I can make noises; I can arch my back, and I know some ‘Cosmopolitan’ tricks … I perform the duty regularly.

I was actually tensed and mad at men that they are incapable of doing anything—and it’s true. Most of the men are really incapable of doing anything : ) But at the time, I was incapable as well.


It might be hard to admit, but a lot of what happens in bed depends on a woman

It is the woman who shows a man what she likes, what kind of behavior she’s expecting, and what pace she likes.

So, on my journey to sexuality, I had to find out what had kept me from feeling good, the reason behind feeling nothing or feeling pain and then forget everything I ever knew about sex and start over.

There’s no way that I’m already done, but I am now taking responsibility for my sex life.

I can honestly show my husband what I want, how I feel, and accept him with love and be relaxed. I now know much more about my body, and I can feel much more pleasure than ever before.

I’m just on the same path as you are

I’m looking for ways to feel better and to love myself more. Therefore, this is by no means a training. I’m just sharing my experience that may inspire you to change your sex life.

Us, women, can enjoy ourselves and feel the satisfaction, but first of all, we have to understand where we’re going and what our goal is.

Eastern wisdom or words that have changed my attitude

It is much more difficult to find information about the satisfaction not only to the body but also to the feminine heart. I had to travel a lot to learn about it.

Most spiritual teachings avoid talking about such things.

It is much easier to talk about other things: perfection, a heart filled with love, and so on.

But I was a down-to-earth woman who wanted to have a family, a relationship with a man, and to have children

That’s why I had to learn how to connect the sexual world with the spiritual world and to invite a loving man into it.

Then another phase began—I had to learn how to keep intimacy at later phases of the relationship and how not to lose the sparkle in everyday life.

My first tantric instructor made me take responsibility for my own sexuality six years ago by telling me this:

“Most often a woman introduces a man to the intimate world and invites him to have a completely different kind of sex.

A woman can lead a man to the depths of the soul, and he can learn about the feelings of higher-level and God through her. He will never forget such a woman. They can both start feeling the intimacy and finally get to know each other better.”

It all sounded very mysteriously; I didn’t quite understand what she was saying and what those deeper feelings were. But since I was quite familiar with the Hollywood sexual image, I had nothing to lose. : )

That was how my intimate journey started; I learned a lot, which helped me with my self-confidence and loving myself

I’m always writing about this.

It is hard to describe how a different relationship between a man and a woman looks like. Each of us opens a new gate.

I’d like to share the methods that I found with you so they would guide you to the right direction.

Where to start and how to change the situation?

First of all, a woman must decide she wants to change her sex life and experience intimacy and pleasure with a man.

A woman must look for certain literature and information that could help her with the right path (the articles of ‘Chocolate4Soul,’ tantric literature, books about the secrets to woman’s orgasm, etc.; if you read in English, you can send me a message, and I will tell you about some useful books and give you recommendations).

Then a woman must awaken her intimate area, which is frozen in most of us or prohibited, denied, ashamed, etc.

After all, if you want to be a part of a duet, first of all, you have to get to know the musical instrument and learn to play it by yourself.

So here’s a set of practices which will help you learn about your body and awaken insensitive and painful areas: “INTIMATE SECRET. How to bring back health, passion, and pleasure to your sexual area?”

Most of us do not know what gives us pleasure. Those who are slightly luckier can experience a clitoral orgasm and think that this is the sexual climax.

The set of practices ‘Intimate Secret’ will help you put theory into practice. You will be doing what your parents prohibited you from doing, and eventually, you will be enjoying yourself.

Also, the practices described in the ‘Intimate Secret’ help women cure various illnesses because, after many years of neglect, her intimate area starts getting love, attention, a soft touch, and then, as you might already know, miracles start happening.

The truth is that no man will give us pleasure if, deep down inside, we remain insensitive and tense

In this scenario, The ‘Chocolate4Soul’ Nephrite Egg can help. It gently massages the body part that had been neglected and ignored for a while; it makes the blood flow to it, which brings it oxygen and nutrients.

Most of the feminine illnesses go away, and the intimate area starts to thrive. Sensitivity and sexual desire come back. Many of us do not feel the pleasure or all those G-, U-spots, etc., that are described in magazines, but with the help of the Jade egg and the practices, it all changes.

You can read more about the Chocolate Soul and Jade Egg HERE!

And if you want to start loving your body and change your attitude towards sex, we suggest you read the set of practices ‘The Magic of Sexuality.’.

Everything you'll find in this set is magical, feminine, and unusual.

These practices will help you feel your energetic power, and you will learn how to treat yourself and your intimate area differently.

You will realize what a great gift you are to a man. You will learn to invite him to your body with joy and consciousness.

For those who are expecting quick results, I suggest you attend women's seminars. (If you're interested, and you feel that you'd like to learn more, send us a message, and we'll give you the contacts of foreign teachers who work on sexuality.)

Why is it worth doing?

First of all, it's imperative to remember that we are doing this for ourselves. But because we are down-to-earth women, and we want to please our men, let's do it for them as well.

A man finds nothing sexier and more beautiful than a woman who is enjoying his touch, feeling the pleasure, expressing her feelings, and accepting him with her whole body. A man will never forget such a woman.

He will feel that he has a great gift, and he will want to reward such a woman with love and care.

It doesn't happen in a day, but as soon as you start your sexual journey, it all starts to change. A woman becomes interested in herself. She connects with a man through new experiences and not through frustrating and painful sex ...

I could write a whole book about how I felt and what I experienced while searching for fulfillment in life and how much tears I poured when I finally felt my body ...

However, I would like to anonymously share the experiences of other women who have given me their permission to do that.

These testimonies come from women who were eager to change their sex life and took action.

Here's a testimony from one wise woman ...

<em"My husband and I were good friends; we would make love just out of obligation once a month for the sake of peace and quiet, you know? But I almost never feel anything. I'm not even sure if I've ever experienced an orgasm ... But for many years, I have been saying that it is my husband's fault—who is absolutely not creative in bed. He only tries to reach the goal; I help him a little with some acting, and then it's all done.

“This kept on going for many years until one day we got a divorce. Then I met another man.

“The sex was unpleasant and he was unable to loosen me up. Finally, our relationship ended since he wanted sex, and for me, it was too unpleasant.

“I'm now dating another man whom I'm crazy about. We are so close. Only this time, I'm avoiding intimacy, because I'm worried that I might be disappointed. I keep thinking, Maybe there's something that I could do that this time, it would be better?"

We have been talking to this woman for a while. I watched her journey ...

This woman who wanted to feel good with her new lover was doing sexual practices for a month (it helped her feel that her body is wonderful and holy).

The practices also helped her with the feeling of shame which was always getting in the way.

Then she started doing some physical exercises that helped her awaken the pleasure spots. She also started doing contraction exercises, wearing Jade egg, and exploring herself further.

She was stroking and touching herself (with the help of the set of practices ‘Intimate Secret’) until she noticed that when she touched one part of her body, it would hurt, while touching some other, it was giving her pleasure.

When the time had come for her to make love to her man, she was an entirely different woman—calm, open, understanding her feminine value.

Her intimate area was lively and sensual, and when her man started rushing, she was brave enough to stop him and gently show him what she likes ...

We all deserve good sex and wonderful, deep, and connecting moments

Here are some testimonies from women who have kept on working on themselves and taking care of their sexuality ...

-"…Remember you told us that you believed in us ... At the time, I was almost unable to see our future together. And yet, there were so many miracles still to come. Our relationship is just as it was in the beginning; he keeps asking me what I have done to him. : ) Maybe it's the pheromones or the Jade Egg; I actually thought that this is impossible after forty."

- "Hello Ruta, I felt the need to share my experience after the practices about the rose in the womb and the pulsating shiny ball. I had this desire in me to have fulfilling sex already before the practices. I finally realized what it is ... "

- "It's just recently that I've experienced a different kind of sex and an amplitude of feelings: joy, happiness, longing, disappointment, suffering ... It felt like I have experienced all the possible feelings, and they made me complete. I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. For me, this experience was a great gift from the universe, which came to me with the help of practices and my husband ... I never thought I could feel this much ‘down there’ ..."

In conclusion ...

Don't ignore it and think that it's only for the young women, for others, and not you ...

This is just your mind attempting to escape the unknown territory.

You decide. You can keep burying your head in the sand or pull it out, shake the sand away, and change the situation.

I'm delighted that more and more wise women stop talking nonsense and start taking care of their sexuality ...

More and more women stop playing the victim games (being ill, poor women whose men are inattentive males), and they take responsibility for their quality of life. You may be one of them.

Just start from where you are right now ...

Let us invite you to create a wonderful intimate life full of sensuality, touches, tenderness, and consciousness. This is the kind of sex that heals a woman and gives her man wings ...


p.s. You can find me on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rutabanioni/


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